On Your Own
by JCI
Summary: "She was shocked Lauren believed her. In the month since Sasha left and they'd been left to their own devices, Payson hadn't trained anything more difficult than a double twist to dismount the beam." Post -"Free People"  #2 in the "Chasing Glory" Universe


She was shocked Lauren believed her. In the month since Sasha left and they'd been left to their own devices, Payson hadn't trained anything more difficult than a double twist to dismount the beam.

_A double twist. A move you used to win your junior national championship. _

Payson looked around. The gym was practically empty, just a small beginner, after-school class on the floor with Tara. She grimaced, glancing up towards the gym office. Her mother was still at her desk, clicking away at her computer and she could see Darby's dark hair bent over some paperwork.

_Maybe it'll be okay. Maybe Darby'll actually grow into the job and besides, you're more than capable of pushing yourself. Sasha gave you the tools you need, confidence, a plan...a purpose. He knew you could do it on your own, that's why he left._

She frowned at the apparatus in front of her and bit her lip. She closed her eyes for a moment and she could see it, a round off, flic-flac into the arabian double front. The four inches would be punishing on a combination skill like that. She took a step away from the beam and focused on the white line in front of her.

_The round off, flic-flac shouldn't be a problem. It's gaining enough power and enough height to get all five feet four inches of you around on the second rotation. You could land on your head, you could break your back. _

She shook her head and took a deep steadying breath. Her vision narrowed on the white line and she flipped her body over into the round off before popping into the flic-flac, her hands landing precisely on the line and then her feet, but it was too slow, not enough power. She frowned and tried it again and then again. It felt better and better each time.

Payson paused to catch her breath and moved towards the water cooler, readjusting the sloppy pony tail she'd tossed her hair into after her pristine bun had fallen during the afternoon's training.

_A round off, flic-flac, it shouldn't feel this good. That's not the kind of gymnast you are anymore. _

But it did feel good. In fact, for the first time since her surgery her body felt free in the air, aerodynamic and capable of more than simple skills.

_What did Sasha tell you, the standards have changed. It's not about height, it's about lines. _

Payson returned to the line and took a deep breath.

_Can't it be about both? _

She focused on the line, but this time she felt the extension in her legs, all the way through her toes and beyond. Her arms stretched out in front of her, her fingertips tingling as she raised up onto the balls of her feet and as she pushed up and out into her round-off and back around for the flic-flac, everything clicked into place. The height she wanted, the power she hadn't felt in a very long time was suddenly back in her legs and arms, and all five feet four inches of her landed solidly on the white line, poised and ready to launch into the arabian double front she'd lied to Lauren about earlier.

_Was this his goal all along? To marry the elegance and grace with the power? _

She knew she could do the double arabian. She had one in her floor routine after all and once she was out of the flic-flac, it wasn't much different. She eyed the beam for a moment and sighed.

_One step at a time, Pay. Just the low beam first. _

So she did, over and over again, her feet landing firmly on the four inches, though she was barely off the ground and had to hop off each time as she landed out of the flic-flac with much more momentum than she'd thought herself capable of.

She was nailing it. Her hair was falling around her face again and she quickly pulled it back, at the top of her head, eyeing the regulation beam, taking her bottom lip between her teeth in indecision.

_Sasha would kill you for trying this. He'd want you to work in the pit first. He'd want a week or two of training, not an hour by yourself after everyone's gone home for the night. _

She studied the beam carefully and then moved over towards the floor, only half of which was being used by Tara's class.

Payson pushed up onto her toes and ran at half speed, trying to build up similar momentum to what she'd achieved in her round off, flic-flac on the low beam. It was there and so was the arabian double front.

She nodded to herself and moved back to the beam, pushing herself up and quickly moving to the end of the apparatus.

_Sasha wouldn't want you to do this, Pay. Not by yourself. _

"Sasha's not here," she muttered to herself softly.

She extended her leg out in front of her, feeling the long line it created, then her arms out in front, pushing through to her finger tips. She leaned back, tensing her muscles and then she sprung forward, hands then feet, hands then feet, a surge of force pushing her up into the air, a half twist and two rotations before she landed on her feet, stumbling forward just a bit.

She stood up straight, and lifted her chin, having felt it drop during her landing and then raised her arms in salute. Not to any judge or crowd, but to herself.

_He isn't coming back, Payson. You're on your own. You'll have to do it on your own._

And for the first time in a long time, she thought maybe that was possible.

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><p><strong>AN: **Just a little drabble inspired by tonight's episode, "Free People." Obviously if you haven't seen it, it'll be a little confusing, but I think you probably got the general idea. Hopefully this jump starts my MIOBI muse. Honestly, I haven't been blocked, just _uninspired_ to write lately.


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